By Andrea Davoust
Travel is about the new, the exotic and the unexpected. Or should be. But as a single female wandering Latin America, I find that conversations, depressingly, tend to revolve around the exact same utterly predictable topics. Here are the top offenders, and my catalogue of (real and imaginary) responses crafted from many an annoying question from random Latino locals.

Photo by Phil Wood
1/ Are you married? (bet on that one)
A: What I wish I could answer: No, I am free as a bird. I can do whatever I please, whenever I please, dress sexy or raggedly, read all night or tuck in at 9, feed on ice cream and veggies, flirt with cute boys, and nobody can say a thing about it, bwah ha ha!
B: what I really answer: Yes, I am married. (Engaged can work too)
2/ So, where is your husband?
A(imaginary) : I left him at home where he belongs, to clean the house, wash the laundry and cook for the kids.
B (actual) : He is waiting for me in (insert name of convenient city) and I am meeting him on (insert convenient date).
3/ So you are apart from your husband for X weeks/months? We in Honduras (or alternate country) would not accept that.
A: Yes, and that is why I am not married to a Honduran fisherman/taxi driver/security guard.

Photo by Silvio Tanaka
B: Oh, but it’s temporary. And exceptional. After that we will be together forever. (Insert sweet, enamored smile)
4/ How come you don’t have children at your age?
A: Because I have been too busy having a whale of a time traveling, seeing the world, getting wasted in the nightclubs of every town on the way, while you dealt with fights over teddy bears.
B: We are planning to have some very soon, next year in fact. Lots of them. (more illuminated smiles)
5/ I want to marry a Frenchwoman and go live in Europe. How much does a flight to France cost?
A: Ha ha ha! Good luck to you.
B: Oh, who knows, maybe one day. A flight costs about a thousand dollars. (gentle smile, accompanied by sorry shrug).
6/ Are you a Catholic? Do you believe in God?
A: I have yet a long way to go on the path of transcendental questions, I don’t know what to believe, because Nietzsche…(good-day answer) / I worship the devil/trees/sun / I am a Buddhist/Jehovah’s witness and we happen to have a meeting tonight, can I leave you a brochure? (bad-day answer)
B: Yes.
7/ Have you got a phone number here in Nicaragua?
A: No.
B: No. Oh, thank you for your contact details. Bye now!